Hear the Voice of the "Inner Child" by Mike Peirce

A while ago I wrote about the concerns I had regarding the growing signs of disparity among many of us connected with the government inquiry into child abuse. I write as a survivor, well experienced in the hell that is complex post-traumatic stress disorder, who took the desperate road of using drugs to stifle my pain, ultimately leading to addiction and……… you know the rest.

My hope when writing was that as any rightful and fully expected initial feelings of frustration, anger, abhorrence of CSA and all what it brings were aired and out in the open, we would then get to the stage where dialogue would help move us to where we belong: at the forefront of positive change. I hoped for understanding, the putting aside of personal and organisational agendas and, perhaps forlornly and too optimistically, to work alongside officialdom to get the job done.

I fully respect how difficult it is to even contemplate working with government representatives. I fully understand, with trust right out of the window, how we feel, how we hurt, how there is no room for forgiveness.  As I write this I am reminded of my own ‘inner child’ the little chap who was faced with abuse and all its consequences, who developed duodenal ulcers before he was seventeen years of age, who underwent surgery: the surgeons efforts to cut out the pain I held within a futile attempt; there was no chance surgery would work. Of course there was a reoccurrence: I know how to do hurt.

Today I write to plead with all factions to hear the voice of that little chap who I have referred to above because there are so many more little chaps and little girls – perhaps you are aware of your own ‘inner child’ – who need and deserve to be heard. There are so many who are hurting at intransigence that could effectively block progress. As survivors we have the capability, and are in a better position than ever to ensure there will be long-lasting, positive change and during all this, perhaps even justice. 

But this will not happen unless we make it happen. This will not happen unless we are prepared to acknowledge and ‘own’ the fact that our individual actions could thwart the hopes and dreams of others. I question my own and others right to do this

Survivor to survivor I am asking if we can all go on and on until we cannot go any further and then go twice as far. Please, let’s ensure we do not allow the inquiry to fail because we are prepared to put ourselves first at an unacceptable cost to others who are hurting; perhaps even more than us. This need not and surely must not happen.

Best wishes

Mike Peirce
January 2015

Published by Team Inspire with the permission of Dr Mike Peirce
29.01.15

Psycho-educational Support Group for Adult survivors of any Form of Child Abuse or Neglect

Do you have a history of childhood abuse?

Would you like to help yourself to understand and manage your life better?

We will be running a twelve-week psycho-educational support group in Brill, Buckinghamshire starting 25 March, 6.30-9.00pm.

This group is FREE for participants and funded by NAPAC who are committed to helping you create a brighter future for yourself, even if your start to life was less than bright.

It is open to anyone over the age of 18 in the Buckinghamshire/ Oxfordshire area.

Admission to the group will be via a friendly interview and confidentiality is taken very seriously.

For further information, in confidence contact:

valerie@napac.org.uk

 

07527 144 157

 

www.napac.org.uk

 

NAPAC is the National Association for People Abused in Childhood

Published with permission of NAPAC by Team Inspire
27.01.15

Beverly’s Story

My mother died when I was only 11 months old; her death was never explained to me by anyone, not my father or the care system I was placed in. I grew up not knowing who I was; I was only informed of my birthday 27^th December 1959 at nearly 12 years old when I was put into the care system.

I began my journey to find out about my history following recovery of the most unbelievable and horrifying memory recall. I had collapsed through sheer exhaustion and lack of sleep, as the shock of recovering my memory threw my whole body and mind into turmoil. I began to experience flashbacks and relived my trauma so vividly that I was in shock twenty four hours a day and night; it was relentless eventually leading to my collapse.

Horrifyingly, one of the catalysts for my recall was discovering that my family had been targeted by child abusers living in the area in 1997/98 in York (we have moved since). I was consequently terrorised for reporting and desperately trying to find out what had been done to one of my loved ones. Eventually the NSPCC listened and an independent investigation was carried out. I was informed it was organised abuse and it seems this shock was the main catalyst for my recall. Though in hindsight, I can now recognise my memories were always trying to push through.

On recall I immediately realised why I had been vulnerable all my life and my unexplained difficulties now made sense.  Finding out about organised child abuse for the first time in my life and what one of my children was revealing to me in fragments almost destroyed my health completely. To this day I do not know if the perpetrators have been caught and stopped from harming others. I did everything I could and whilst doing the right thing I was clearly aware I was being threatened with my life. Later when I recalled the crimes committed against me as a child the terrorisation increased. My life was hell; too much to detail to go into right now. But I did report three times to the police all the information I could and two barristers looked at my case and one taped a statement.

One barrister said mine was one of the severest cases he had ever come across. And whilst in hospital a nurse said after reading my file that if I was told what happen to me as a child I would have nightmares for the rest of my life. I have remembered so much horror including being buried for a number of days and nights in a grave and hung from a tree. I was saved by someone and taken in an ambulance to hospital. I suffered a head injury at this time, as the person who got me down dropped me. I was only 8 years old when this happened. I was in a coma (it seems) and also seems my brain was operated on so I would not remember, later it seems I was placed with nuns in some sort of rehab institution these memories are still blurry.

I have for 14 years been requesting my medical records to date they are kept from me. I had been taken to a church yard, St Mary’s, Sheffield, and tortured raped by two men whilst others wearing gowns watched.

Daily life at my stepmothers was a constant fight to survive, physically and mentally; beatings and complete neglect were the norm. Being made to endure sleep deprivation, beatings until I was unconscious, locked in cellar, raped by my stepmother friends, made to stay out in cold wandering alone as a child; there is so much more detail here to tell here. I now know why one GP called it torture; another likened my life to the Nazi camps. There were strange events, like being made to go downstairs in only a vest before school, to be beaten with a cane. Again there is so much more detail to share here. Eventually my own half siblings were made to harm me and I was subjected to terror daily and used sexually. My recovered memories are horrific. I also bear physical wounds inflicted on me.

All 11 years of my medical notes are kept from me, although social services have records from at least 1963 showing the nursery I was in and the date I was sent to Sheffield. There are also reports saying how profoundly damaged I was when I went into care at 11 years. The rest is kept hidden. When I first inquired I was informed by Social Services only certain people can have access a solicitor. They advised that my notes are "too sensitive".

A new NSPCC officer came to visit me, alone. Prior to this visit my siblings had warned me not to speak to this person and that this person would harm me. In fact this new officer seemed to know I was being harmed and following this intervention I was placed in care. Whilst in care when my past traumatic experiences began to unfold I was taken to a psychiatrist and diagnosed with depression. I was medicated to calm me and help me sleep. This was apparently how I was managed; this method was continued throughout my life. When I visited my GP due to panic attacks and symptoms I could not comprehend, it was always medication, medication, medication.

Now that I understand, and having gone through, and am still going through my recovery without medication, I am aware my mind it healing naturally. It is slow, so painful and heart breaking. My losses are huge; my own father, now gone, was kept from me. I can never have what would have been a genuine relationship my father who was a gentle, unobtrusive Latvian man suffering much himself. Years and years have been spent in survival when I should have been growing and developing; I now am studying, trying to catch up.

Whilst living at my stepmothers there were numerous attempts to murder me. I was so horrified and ill when I finally recalled this information; I did not want to believe humans could do these things. On my recall of these memories the same past tactics were tried, i.e. you are crazy, you imagined it and the men in white coats will lock you up. There has been repeated and numerous attempts to discredit me. The stress and shock of this information could completely send a person over the edge but I have kept going and still survive knowing always I am doing what I know to be right.

In a nutshell I was tortured from a very tiny baby/toddler in a cot until 11 years old when the intervention of an NSPCC officer Mr. Jenkins came to visit me and soon after that visit I was put in a children's home. Previously a NSPCC officer had been visiting the house I resided in for around 7 years and a step sister of mine had indicated to me he was dodgy. My father had remarried following the death of my mother and baby brother and oddly, my father did not live with us, but visited. On the occasions he called in, I was repeatedly warned by my step mother not to speak to him; my step mother hid from my father the abuse she was subjecting me to.

Today, 27^th December 2014, is my birthday and I wanted to give myself a birthday present which was to allow myself to write these words and not feel ashamed of being a defenceless child who survived the most inhuman treatment.

I am uncertain of how much to say regarding what happened more recently in 1997 as that information is about a different person, who is now old enough to speak for themselves. I have informed the relevant persons to try to get this dealt with as we know child abuse is still going on today but is now being looked at, especially historical cases like mine.

I hope this outpouring makes sense to you and I thank you for giving me this opportunity.

Beverly

Written by Beverly on 27th December 2014 (her birthday) & published 27.01.15 with permission by Team Inspire.

27.01.15

 

STATEMENT FROM HOME OFFICE TODAY 26.01.15

As discussed, in a telephone conversation today, Team Inspire with the Home Office officials.

Following statement sent by email to Team Inspire from HO:

Please note that the HO are having one in a series of ongoing meetings with representatives of survivors this week.

There will be a further meeting between the Home Secretary and survivors before an announcement.

That date for the announcement is to be confirmed, but it is likely to be the week of 2 February 2015.

To endeavor to allay gossip and here-say the above statement, as discussed on the telephone with the Home Office this morning at 12.00 noon, is published.

Published with permission of the Home Office by Team Inspire
26.01.15

PANEL STATEMENT– Friday 23 January 2014

PANEL STATEMENT– Friday 23 January 2014

 

SAFEGUARDING SUPPORT

 

The Panel is committed to engaging with victims and survivors throughout the course of the Inquiry. The Panel is also committed to supporting victims and survivors as they are involved in the Inquiry’s work. We have not started to take evidence from anybody at the moment because the Chair will decide, once appointed, how best to make those arrangements.

 

The Panel acknowledges that disclosing details of abuse may re-traumatise and that this re-trauma may continue after their engagement with the Inquiry. However, final decisions on what this longer term support model might look like will depend on the evidence taking procedures which must be agreed by the Chair. 

 

The Panel has set up a safeguarding support working group to assist a new Chair in making an informed decision on the model for support, and the Secretariat is consulting with safeguarding professionals on the model of support which the Inquiry could employ.

 

Since the Panel first engaged with survivors in October, safeguarding support has evolved.  The Panel acknowledges that the first two formal listening meetings which took place before the panels’ first meeting did not have specific safeguarding support. Following feedback from victims and survivors, support was provided at the next two meetings in Bristol on 5 December and Manchester on 12 December. Further feedback highlighted the value of having a gender balance so that those attending have a choice on whether they want male or female safeguarding support. 

 

In early January we established a pool of safeguarding support providers and a support package was put in place in readiness for the eight regional listening meetings. This pool, made up of providers from across the country such as The Southmead Project in Bristol, Survivors Manchester and Inspire You Me & Us CIC were due to travel to locations as north as Carlisle and south as Plymouth to engage with victims and survivor groups. We welcome our ongoing discussions with the Survivors Alliance to help us in further developing this work.

 

The Panel is clear that the purpose of the listening meetings is to engage and listen to victim and survivor representatives. They are not evidence taking sessions. The Secretariat has made clear in the joining instructions and at the start of the meetings that the meetings are for sharing views and that individual experiences will not be investigated. These listening meetings are confidential.

 

In advance of a Chair being appointed the Panel will continue with the preparatory work needed to ensure that they can deliver a robust Inquiry for all those people who have been victims of child sexual abuse.

 

We are not funded to provide support but are pleased to see the Home Office announced a new victims’ fund of £7.5m.  We understand some of this will be allocated to groups providing support to adult and child victims of sexual abuse as well as responding to support requests as a result of the setting up of the inquiry.

 

For further Information contact:

 

Dave Jervis -  davidjervis3@gmail.com

07771 982759

 

Usha Choli – usha.choli1@childsexualabuseinquiry

07795 301624

 

Issued by the Secretariat to the CSA Independent Inquiry Panel at 6.33pm

23.01.15

Published with permission by Team Inspire

STOP PRESS - CSA Inquiry Listening Meetings

The panel today, 21 January 2015, has made the difficult choice to delay all scheduled listening meetings until after the Home Secretary has made her decision on the future of the panel and has announced who will be appointed as Chair.

The purpose of the listening meetings was for the panel to hear the views of victims and survivor organisations about the work and direction of the Inquiry. However, given the uncertainty over the future shape of the Inquiry, the panel feels that all upcoming listening meetings would not fulfil that intended aim.

They also understand that for some victims and survivors the decision to attend a meeting might be both difficult and courageous, and did not think it appropriate to ask them to share their views about an Inquiry where there is a lack of certainty about its future shape.

The panel would like to apologise wholeheartedly to all those people who had expected to attend the upcoming events. The panel are committed to putting the experiences of victims and survivors at the heart of the Inquiry, and will strongly recommend that the listening meetings are restarted once the Home Secretary has made her decision.

To all those people who have previously attended a listening meeting, the panel have listened to what was said and have already made changes to their ways of working. The confidential records of those meetings are held by the secretariat and will be passed to the new chair for further consideration once they have been appointed.

This decision was taken after much deliberation and discussion, and the panel did not reach its decision lightly.

Issued by the Secretariat to the CSA Inquiry Panel
Published with permission by Team Inspire
22.01.15

Unity of Voices Meeting - Child Sexual Abuse must STOP - 24.01.15 10am till 4.00pm

 

Unity

of Voices

UNITED WE STAND

DIVIDED WE FAIL
 

Saturday 24th January 2015, 10am—4pm
 

At Transformation Powerhouse, 33 Vicarage Lane, East Ham,

London E6 6DQ
 

Lunch and refreshments will be provided. On tube and bus network, and free

on-street parking

The event is free and hosted by Transformation Powerhouse

Further details available on booking at www.unityofvoices.org.uk

Enquiries to mark@unityofvoices.org.uk or call 020 8552 9333.

Sexual abuse must stop
 

Many small whispers – like the whisper of a child being abused – can

be ignored. But when we stand united as one voice, we become like

a thunderous roar in a large stadium.

» Abusers must no longer feel safe in their actions.

» Children must know they will be believed.

» Educate to mobilise
 

Our 2nd Unity of Voices Meeting. Do you want to be

part of a movement to bring about the necessary changes to

address child sexual abuse in the UK? Join us as we unite to

educate the nation on the scale and effect of sexual abuse.

White Flowers Campaign & Memorial Event - Westminster London

Team Inspire travelled to Westminster from Buckinghamshire to attend the moving memorial reflecting and remember those child sexual abuse victims no longer with us and witnessed a massive turn out of devoted supporters laying white flowers, pictures of loved ones balloons and tributes at The Old Palace Yard opposite the Houses of Parliament.

It was a moving, emotional and serene ceremony commencing officially at 11am with survivors, professional and MP’s saying a few words of solace and support. Several members of the media attended and Jenny Tomlin was interviewed by the Press Association sharing her experience of horrendous familial abuse and the organsations that let her and her siblings down in the 1950’s and 60’s. Sadly her younger brother did not make it and passed away at the age of 17 years having also experienced and witnessed abuse within the family and extended family. Guests were invited to arrive at about 10.30am and on the stroke of 11am by Big Ben there was a moving and emotional minutes silence remembering lost voices.

At 12.30pm survivors were invited to join a large panel of speakers representing the White Flowers Campaign in the House of Commons. The meeting was well attended, over filling a room that hold 400 to a massive capacity of approximately 440 individuals all wishing to share their experiences, voices some thoughts and opinions and listen to a wide range of speakers representing survivors, professionals, safeguarding, police, MP’s, whistleblowers and the media. The room was so full many attendees had to sit on the floor for two hours. The media was asked to report ethically and dig under every stone to find the truth as this can only be an asset to all of us.

It was a fantastic turn out and all be it that everyone had their own opinions, feelings, thoughts and ideas for a way forward there was a sense of unity in the room working for the same outcome – to safeguard current and future children from abuse and to ensure nothing that closely resembles this epidemic and endemic scale of abuse ever happens again. It was apparent mostly everyone attending was united in outing the corruption and cover ups and are asking for a statutory inquiry that delves deep, brings adequate conclusions that see appropriate convictions. It was requested on numerous occasions for all to work together, unite and speak with one voice. Allow individuals to deal with their life, experience and situations in their own way – respect each other. However, there were many survivors and representative guests who had come with hope their voices would be heard; most did not expect the meeting to be “conference style”.

There were more than twenty speakers all sharing child sexual abuse experiences and offering their opinions on what they would like to see develop and conclude from the Home Office Child Sexual Abuse Inquiry. Much was shared and interesting topics were covered but I do not wish to share detail here publically. The meeting was scheduled for two hours, from 12.30pm to 2.30pm and ran over by about 30 minutes; it was hard to concentrate by the end due to the high level of emotions in the room and was slightly disappointing that no time was given to hear some of the attendee’s experiences and questions. At a follow up meeting it would be positive to plan time for a Q&A session at the end of the meeting.

The meeting dispersed at around 3.00pm with many supporters, colleagues and twitterpals meeting sociably for dinner and drinks in a Westminster pub sharing feelings and thoughts of the day and constructive feedback for future meetings and the inquiry. Some commented this was the best part of the day, engaging with new faces and discussing freely with likeminded friends and colleagues regarding their viewpoints, frustrations and concerns as well as what they wish to see from the CSA Inquiry.

All in all it was an emotional, moving and exhausting day bringing a huge group of survivors and supporters to the House. As the Rt Hon John Mann MP so eloquently expressed “there is something symbolic about holding such a meeting in this room, in this building, as the public own this room and building.”

Although everyone had different experiences, opinions, concerns and wants, sadly the room and format did not give space and time to enabling those who had travelled many miles, some by aeroplane, to have their say, ask questions and at the end of the meeting there was no suggestion of a way forward from here. Some wanted to know where it all goes from here; what happens next?

Nevertheless, it is important to recognise and thank those that arranged the day, the work carried out and the dedication of those behind the scenes bringing over 440 victims and survivors together in one place to make a bold and emphatic statement to Westminster, the media, the UK and ultimately the world.

Team Inspire would like to thank all those involved in making this day possible.

Written by Team Inspire
Attended the above meeting on 14th January 2015

@inspire4UMeUs