Birmingham Listening Meeting POSTPONED: Dates for CSAinquiry Listening Meetings throughout the UK

Sadly, Birmingham Listening Meeting scheduled for tomorrow, Friday 16th January 2015 has been postponed.

It has been confirmed today (12.01.15 at 5.00pm)by the Secretariat to the CSA Inquiry to Team Inspire that the "listening meetings" listed below will go ahead as advertised. There will be NO cancellations; anyone who wishes to attend please see below.

This post is issued on behalf of the CSAinquiry Panel, colleagues and working partners today 16th December 2014 by Team Inspire.

As part of a series of listening meetings, the Independent Panel Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse visited Manchester on Friday (December 12).

Members of the Panel and supporting staff met privately with a number of victims and survivors of child sexual abuse to listen to their views on the Inquiry.
The purpose of the meetings was:

• To provide information about the Panel, the Inquiry terms of reference and feedback received so far
• To seek views on how those attending, particularly victims, survivors and representative groups, would like the Panel to engage with them
• To ask those attending what they would like the Panel to include in their considerations

The findings will be collated as part of the Inquiry’s listening and engagement programme and fed back to the full panel. A report from the first four meetings will be placed on our website.

The Panel has agreed that the experiences of victims and survivors of child sexual abuse must be placed at the heart of the Inquiry.

Determined to give a voice to the concerns and priorities of victims and survivors during its extensive work, the Panel is considering the most effective way of enabling them to engage with the Inquiry.

The Panel is also considering how personal support can be offered to victims and survivors of child sexual abuse when they interact with the Inquiry.

At the Manchester meeting – and all the meetings that have been arranged for the New Year – support for those attending was available with a separate quiet room set aside.

The next meetings to be held are set out below.

Those interested in attending should contact us through the website.

generalenquiry@childsexualabuseinquiry.gsi.gov.uk 

	Date	Location
1	Friday 16th January	Birmingham
2	Friday 23rd January	York
3	Friday 30th January	Newcastle
4	Friday 6th February	Carlisle
5	Friday 13th February	Rhyl (to be confirmed)
6	Friday 20th February	Portsmouth
7	Friday 27th February	Plymouth
8	Friday 6th March	Cardiff (to be confirmed)

CSA Inquiry Meeting Manchester - Can you attend? READ HERE:

If you can attend Fridays CSA Inquiry listening meeting in Manchester please email:

 

generalenquiry@childsexualabuseinquiry.gsi.gov.uk

 

There are 4 places left.

 

PREVIOUS INVITE SENT:

 

Dear Colleague

 

I am writing from the Secretariat for the Independent Child Sexual Abuse Inquiry. I have recently sent out an the following invitation and I would be really grateful if you could cascade this message.

 

I would like to invite you to participate in some initial discussions on the work of the Inquiry. Travel expenses will be reimbursed, so please do retain tickets.

 

The Secretariat and members of the Panel are undertaking a further meeting with representatives of victims and survivors groups this month. They are part of a series of regionally based Listening meetings being held across the country with Panel members this month and will recommence in the New Year.

 

The next CSA Inquiry regional listening meeting will be held on:

 

Friday 12th December 11.00-14.00 in central Manchester (we will confirm the venue with you as part of your joining instructions)

  

The purpose of these meetings is:

 

·         To provide information on the panel, its members and terms of reference

 

·         To canvass views on how attendees, particularly survivors and victims group representatives would like the panel to engage with them and

 

·         What you would like the panel to include in their considerations.

 

The findings will be collated as part of the Inquiry Panels engagement programme and fed back to the full panel.

 

I would really welcome your input on Friday in Manchester.

 

Please do not worry if you are unable to attend in Manchester there will be details of other meetings taking place in the New Year here and on our website next week.

 

 You can contact me on:

 

 generalenquiry@childsexualabuseinquiry.gsi.gov.uk 

 

You can also let us have your views via our website – we would welcome your input at any time:  https://childsexualabuseinquiry.independent.gov.uk/

 

If there any individuals or groups that you feel we could invite to either these or future meetings, please do feel free to drop us a line. I will be calling you shortly to talk through any further details you need for this meeting.

 

In the meantime, we look forward to hearing from you.

 

Issued by the Secretariat of the CSAinquiry

Guest posted by Team Inspire with full permission of the Secretariat of the CSAinquiry

11.12.14

Diane’s Story

I just had to contact you.

I wish I could find the words to tell my full story, as people don't know how a person feels after being raped from a young age; I was about ten when it started and fifteen when it ended. Maybe I will be able to do that one day.

My attacker was a family member who was trusted with children. He was recently found guilty and sentenced to nineteen years in prison for raping me over two thousand times but in reality it was over three thousand rapes. There was an element of doubt over the amount as I could not clearly remember the age it when it all started.

I am now forty six years old and trying to start my life but how am I supposed to be who am I? I feel lost now as I have lived with this for thirty five years and dealt with it in a way which I thought was normal and I was in control of my own head.

But now the truth is out and community and family know. I did not say anything to anyone when I was younger as I would have gone into care for lying. Then later in life as I grew up I believed it was my fault for not being able to stop him.

When I was fifteen he then moved on to my cousin and I also feel really guilty for allowing him to continue with other children. I do not feel in control anymore how do you get over something like this?

Guest post written by Diane and posted with permission via email contact
10.12.14

Edited and Posted by Team Inspire

Lorraine’s Story

From as early as a small toddler I can remember my mother being extremely violent and abusive towards all of us. At eight years old she left my natural father and we were all separated and put in care homes, the abuse there was no better she didn't come to visit and eventually one sister and I went to stay with my grandmother. We were so happy to be there but due to her age she could not manage two youngsters and she sent us to our mother. When we arrived told us she did not want us and closed the door, we sat on the doorstep crying as our father had gone and left us there. She eventually let us in.

She was living with a West Indian and that's when the sexual abuse started. She went into hospital for an operation to have her sterilisation reversed so she could have his children. He was six years younger than her, spoke little English and could not read or write. He was a gambler and held card game parties in the basement on a weekly basis.

The day she went into hospital my abuse started. He told me to make lunches for the others and send them to the park; off they went. He then said I had to do what I was told or get a beating; he beat us every day anyway. He made me go to their bedroom where he abused me; I cried and cried. I wasn't sure what he was doing at the time but knew it was wrong. This happened every day while she was in hospital. When she came out it changed from their room to mine; he would come in every night. Within in a couple of weeks my mother started coming in with him and stood watching him. One night I cried too loudly and they both beat me, this went on for months and months. One day he said I had been good for not telling anyone else and placed money in my hand. I didn't want it I just wanted to be left alone. So I left the money on the bed, my sister found it and gave it to my mother. My mother went mad and beat me till I passed out. She pulled all my hair out and then when I came round dragged me to the police station which was only a short distance from where we lived.

The police were just as nasty. On arrival she told them I had accused my stepfather of touching me and I needed to be taught a lesson so I would never say it again, so in full view of everyone they made me get on a table and proceeded to give me what I now know to be an internal examination. I was so scared, I was twelve years old; the officers laughed at me and said that will teach me to say such things and that I would grow up to be a black man’s whore just like my mother. My mother left and the police told me to follow her but she said I couldn't go with her. By now I was bleeding from below so I sat on the police station steps. One officer kept coming out and telling me to go home but I was scared. Eventually I went home and she said I could come in but on her terms. I agreed and the rest of my life living with them was as a slave; I cooked, cleaned and looked after the others. She bought an industrial ironing press so I could work inside the house and I did that 12 hours each day. I would get a beating each night to keep me in check, she did some terrible things to us and no one helped.

My stepfather then went on to abuse all four of my sisters and a young girl next door; one sister had two children by him. My youngest sister who was twelve had one and another younger sister who was fourteen also had a child by him. Social services knew of all this and it is even in my social care files. The social worker was scared of my mother because she had beaten her up before when she disagreed with my mother.

Eventually because of my sister having a child at twelve he was prosecuted for her and spent a year in prison but they refused to look into the rest of what had been happening. He came out of prison and continued to abuse my sister sexually and physically.

Now after all these years once again I am trying to get justice, but the police are being very unhelpful, not supportive and have lied.

Posted as a guest post with permission of Lorraine via email
10.12.14

Edited and Posted by Team Inspire

Mike Peirce Southmead Project Summarises CSA Meeting in Bristol

Mike Peirce of The Southmead Project Bristol writes…

On Friday 5 December 2014 I attended a meeting in Bristol to discuss matters relating to child sexual abuse. At the same time another meeting was being held in London – again with a remit about the abuse of children.  I was invited to the meeting in Bristol either because I am a survivor of child abuse or, as CEO of a charity; The Southmead Project, that specialises in the provision of therapeutic and practical support to those people over sixteen years of age who have experienced abuse themselves. Like me, many of the people who access the charity for support have self-harmed as a consequence of the trauma that follows all forms of child abuse: drug or alcohol misuse and/or other ways of self-injury in order to try to keep a lid on the emotions. A forlorn hope as the childhood traumatic experience develops into complex post – traumatic stress disorder (cPTSD) leading to a multitude of additional problems. Perhaps this goes some way in explaining the perennial waiting list at the charity – currently over twelve weeks and no doubt the same at other similar charities.

My reason for writing this blog however is not to extol the merits, virtues or successes of the Southmead Project, but to make an appeal; an appeal that puts survivors of child abuse at the forefront. I want to appeal for their voices to be heard and appeal that their suffering and their pain is truly acknowledged and also appeal for help.

Prior to, and during, the course of getting these meeting to take place and to actually get people around the table, there has, unsurprisingly, been much debate and of course much anger, frustration and suspicion. I do not profess to know the full background to these meetings, governance procedures or remit, identified aims and objectives, timescales, makeup of the inquiry teams, due diligence; so there are many things I do not know. But I do know this, it is about time the lid was lifted on a can of worms that has lain comfortably dormant in the dark corridors of schools, governments, police and judicial institutions and other, supposedly, safe environments in which abuse of children has survived, and distressingly, still thrives. 

Whatever way we might look at things, we are many years late in bringing about these meetings and suggest during those years of silence, denial and disbelief, there is every possibility that vital evidence has been destroyed or lost. It is certainly my hope that during the course of all investigations that evidence does emerge, and that those who may have jeopardised any chances of the full facts being published, are held to account. It is my sincere hope too that the make-up of any teams/panels/committees is able to be held up for full scrutiny. This is essential if trust in the process and in members of those teams is to come about.  I will not labour on the reasons why trust is essential except to say that where, as children, innocence has been lost and destroyed by abuse, leaving the innocent victims of such appalling crimes to deal with the aftermath, trust is the most vital of ingredients needed in any recipe for recovery.

But trust alone will not bring about recovery. It is imperative that appropriate facilities for survivors of child abuse per se be made immediately available and that funding for such facilities be also made immediately available. The stories in the red tops, on television and indeed in all media forms has almost guaranteed those survivors who have hidden their pain and suffering from view,  will now be very much affected by all that is going on. This appeal is for survivors everywhere to unite to become stronger and as one. To use the energy, determination and sheer guts it took us to survive and to help one another and in so doing help those survivors who could really do with some support at this difficult time. Please help me to help agencies like the Southmead Project to get the necessary financial aid. Please, let’s do the job together.

I am glad I attended the meeting and it was definitely worthwhile if only to have become more familiar with the juggernaut which is the system, in the knowledge that it will ultimately make decisions. I wanted also to get a grasp on what survivors are likely to be faced with when and if they attend any other meetings. I hope in fact that the Secretariat, Home Office and Inquiry are swamped with people wanting to attend and crucially, that non-institutional child abuse per se does not get side-tracked.

Guest post written by Dr Mike Peirce MBE
CEO of the Southmead Project Bristol
southmead_project@yahoo.co.uk
www.southmead.org.uk

10.12.14

Posted with Mr Pierce’s permission by Team Inspire

Christmas Festivities are hard for Victims of Abuse

Christmas is coming and the geese are getting fat…so please spare a thought…

There will be many families out there throughout this festive season who are suffering all forms of domestic abuse; not just physical but verbal, mental, emotional and sexual. Spare a thought for them and their children while eating your turkey and drinking your sherry.

Fourteen years ago I fled my marital and beautiful family home with my daughter in November 2000. I had been abused on all levels for over twenty years and in a flash of a light bulb I had to get out. And one major reason was I couldn’t play “happy families” around the Christmas table with family for another year. I knew I couldn’t keep my mouth shut anymore; I knew I couldn’t be the model wife and mother; daughter, sister and daughter in law for another painful traumatic Christmas day.

For over twenty years I had been the best host and family member possible. Through all of my pain, hurt, trauma and broken heart I had kept up appearances and been the model wife. That’s what you do, don’t you? I thought you “just got on with it”. I had heard that so often that that is just what I did. I thought everyone’s marriage turned into what mine had turned into. My mother had been married to my dad for over twenty five years and I was brought up to believe that you worked at your marriage; you didn’t just walk away you worked through the difficult and challenging times. My mother’s marriage wasn’t a bed of roses so I thought what I was ensuring was normal.

I had put off leaving my beautiful marital home for years because I didn’t want to be the one to break up my family. I didn’t want to be the one who took my daughter away from her father. I didn’t want to be the one who lost her dream future of “for better or worse, till death us do part”. Marriage for me and my family was, and is, for life and on top of all this I would be the only one in the family to fail and let the family down and be known as a divorcee.

Add to this, when, and if, I left or fled I would have nowhere to go, no money and no job. I was a stay at home mum, no money of my own and didn’t want to involve friends and family. And then add another layer of trauma on top of all this. My confidence and self-esteem were nil, I was depressed and close to a breakdown and a symptomatic alcoholic. For twenty years I had been brainwashed into believing I was worthless, a bad person, no one would want me and I had been systematically isolated from friends and family by my abuser. Where was I to go and what was I to do to ensure my gorgeous daughter was safe, could continue to attend her school and, where possible, suffered as little as possible.

Layer upon layer of abuse had been loaded onto my shoulders and into my heart and psychologically, emotionally and mentally I was at my lowest point. Suicidal thoughts dogged me every day; on anti depressants and suffering from post traumatic stress disorder, I had no idea how, or if, I would survive. With nothing of my own, not even a car in my own name leaving was, for me, like trying to move a mountain. And I had no confidence that I was capable of managing alone. So as I said spare a thought for those families struggling to perform and act out Christmas festivities and please stop asking why we don’t leave. It’s not an easy decision or easy to do, no matter what the situation. And no one can make that difficult decision for you. My moment came one Monday morning in a flash and I knew I had to get out but until that moment comes and you are filled with strength please understand the control, coercion, isolation and brainwashing that is systematically used over time to ensure one cannot leave. On top of this add another layer of threats to kill you, your child or one of your family. And once you leave the abuse escalates in a very different form with threats of stalking, finding you and harming or killing you, as well as threats to abduct your child or children. For three years after I fled my abuser harassed, stalked and threatened me. He even attempted to kidnap my daughter from school.

So don’t ask me ever why I didn’t leave earlier, it’s just not that easy or simple for a whole multitude of reasons. And Christmas and festive seasons are one of the most difficult to survive and stomach.

For every last bruise you gave me
For every time I sat in tears
For the million ways you hurt me
I just wanna tell you this
You broke my world, made me strong
Thank you
Messed up my dreams, made me strong
Thank you

Jamelia

Posted by Team Inspire anonymously with permission of the author

09.12.14

MEETING DETAILS: Independent Inquiry into child sexual abuse

Survivors and group reps listening meeting - Friday 5th December: 11-2pm

On behalf of Sharon, Graham, Angela and Ben, I would like to thank you sincerely for your time and contributions at today's meeting.

We hope the discussions today helped to allay any concerns you may have had before the meeting. It was a powerful and positive meeting. We also hope it has served to assure you of our commitment to the Inquiry and the very necessary work it is designed to deliver.

I will be writing up the notes from today and all your suggestions. The Panel will work to get as many as we can actioned as soon as we can.

We are next meeting survivors and survivor representatives in Manchester next Friday 12th December and will continue listening and building the infrastructure needed to deliver the work.

Unless you disagree (in which case please let me know directly) I will add your details to our network contacts and will keep you appraised of progress and through our website. Please provide us with your feedback, it means a lot. 

generalenquiry@childsexualabuseinquiry.gsi.gov.uk 

Thank you so very much also for agreeing to be a champion for the work of the Inquiry. I hope, through positive and open dialogue and pooling all our efforts, we can work and learn together in delivering the aims of the Inquiry.

I hope you all got home safely and wish you a restful weekend.

Head
Engagement and Stakeholder Strategy
Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse

Posted by Team Inspire on behalf of the Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse
05.12.14

Survivors’ Alliance Update re: Press Releases

You will no doubt have seen all the press coverage of the letter stating that survivors were withdrawing from the Inquiry.   

 

The Survivors’ Alliance was not involved in the letter and we wanted to assure you that we would not issue press releases without first informing everyone who has signed up to support us.

 

We had been working on a planned press release in the Observer on Sunday but sadly this will now no longer run.

 

We remain committed to continuing to engage with the Home Office in order to make this a meaningful inquiry for the many hundreds of survivors we collectively represent and will be in touch in due course with any developments.

 

For now we encourage you all to not make any comment to the media, except to say the Survivors’ Alliance, which represents over 100 groups, is not a signatory to the letter.  

 

We hope to let you have news of our next steps soon.

 

Posted by Team Inspire on behalf of The Survivors Alliance / The Survivors Trust

05.12.14

Jade's Story

I was 6 years old when I remember my earliest memory. It started innocently; a man we had known our whole lives, which my dad went to school with and remained best friends with; who my whole family trusted and respected until I finally told my family in 2008 the truth of what he was like. I am the oldest of 5 children though back in 97 when this began there was only me and one of my 2 brothers and one of my 2 sisters in existence; the others were born years later.

The first incident happened one day when he was babysitting me and my brother and sister. My mum and dad were attending a funeral (I think) and he was minding us in our house. We was playing happily until about an hour into the day he sent my brother and sister to go and hide in the house and that me and him would count and I would find them. We thought nothing of this and me being the oldest thought ok fair enough I’m the biggest so I’m on. However when my brother and sister went to hide Mick started snogging me and touching my legs. Having never done this before I didn't know what to say or do. He told me quietly (as my siblings played) that "this was my first kiss. He told me it was the start of something very special indeed between me and him and that we were going to become more than just very good friends. He told me I couldn't tell my mum or dad or anyone though because if I did I would get into a lot of trouble. He told me that my mum and dad would stop loving me and send me away with social services to live with another family. I was scared; I didn't know what to do. Was what he had said right or not? I cried myself to sleep every night for a week and a half afterwards and when my mum would ask I simply told her I had had a bad dream. Little did I know this was the start of a six year catalogue of sexual abuse?

When he came down next time was about 2 weeks after that first incident; we were sent to bed at approximately 7.30 ‘ish. I was in bed and sharing a bedroom with my 3-4 year old sister at the time that was fast asleep. About an hour after I was sent to bed I heard him ask my mum could he use the toilet. I heard him walk upstairs and go to the toilet (which was adjacent to my bedroom) and I heard him flush the chain. Then I heard him step on the creaky floorboard outside my door. He opened my door and peered around at my sister who was asleep. My dad shouted up to him did he want a brew and he replied “yes I’ll be down now” and stepped around my bedroom door. As he closed the door and turned my light on I realised his penis was hanging out of his fly and not realizing it was done intentionally, covered my face with my hands embarrassed and giggly and said to him "Uncle Mick I think you need to fasten your fly." He replied with "Awww your naughty you should not be looking there I might have to tell your daddy on you." But still didn't adjust his fly, I responded with "but you shouldn't have it out it should be in your fly" he shushed at me and put his hand over my mouth told me that if I didn't want him to tell my dad I had to do this one little thing for him and keep it all a secret. I agreed scared. He lifted my nighty up and began to perform oral sex on me while masturbating. When he finished he ejaculated (I didn't know what this was at the time I was only 6 years old) and it went on my naked lower half and the wall. He pulled a tissue from his pocket and wiped it up. Then he kissed me. I didn't know what to do I just lay there while this happened I didn't know how to stop him or even that this was wrong but I knew it wasn't normal. He then stood up fixed his pants and left quietly. I heard him use the toilet again, wash his hands and go back downstairs laughing and joking with my dad. I didn't sleep that night I just lay there in silence wondering what had just happened to me. I didn't speak of what happened but it continued to happen over the course of the next 6 years. I was regularly forced to perform oral sex and other lude acts, but thankfully I don't ever remember him actually raping me and for that reason I don't think he did. He may never have done that but I remember him using his fingers. I don't want to sit and list every time something happened as I would be there for days but it happened regularly until I was 12. He would also regularly visit my parents’ house which is when things would happen and he regularly had sweets and presents and sometimes cute little nighties. He used to buy presents for my brother like toy cars and random bits and pieces for my sister too. Funnily enough it was the nighties he gave me that I wore when things happened.
I was about 12 when the whole family had to go the Asda and he offered to come with us. I don't quite remember how but I wound up in his car. I was feeling sick and scared and just stared out the window when he put his hand on my leg while he was driving and said “so have you had your first kiss then?” I replied “no” and pushed his hand away. He then said to me “so what was the last 6 years all about then with me and you, I thought we had something special.” I looked at him and said to him “no the last 6 years haven't been anything special at all and I swear to god if you don't get your hand off my leg I’m going to tell me dad everything you have done and we will soon see what happens.” He got angry and scoffed at me saying "ha ha who do you think your dads going to believe? You…a little 12 year old whose highly likely to lie or me his best friend for over 30 years who he went to school with? I think we both know you’re not stupid enough to jump out of a moving car.” I grabbed the steering wheel and nearly caused a crash, but he grabbed the wheel back quickly. When we got to Asda, dad asked me what had gone on and what did I think I was playing at. He had seen me grab the wheel. I just glared at Mick and said to him I’m not saying sorry. My dad obviously oblivious to the 6 years of torment I had endured (he didn't find out until 2009 as that was my choice not to speak out) thought it was a fitting punishment to ban me from sitting in the front of any car again. He didn't suspect anything when I made the sly comment saying good I don't want to anyhow. We did the shopping then went on holiday. I think after that we saw him once or twice and he didn't attempt anything with me. At the time I was just glad that it was over and still didn’t think I should speak out. I did worry about him trying to do it to another little girl and for that admittedly I feel guilty but I really didn't think about that.

We didn't see him for a while and I think it was a couple of months before my birthday I read in the local paper that he had died. He was found dead in a pub car park around 4am dead after choking on his own vomit. At that point I remember thinking well now if I speak put he can’t do anything because he’s not here to threaten me or bully me, but then I remember thinking well maybe it’s pointless now he’s dead there's nothing at all that can be done. I don't think his family were aware and all it would do was open up a new world of torment for me. For that reason I never once discussed it with anyone. I kept that dirty little secret to myself until I was raped 28th January 2008. I was 16. I had an argument with my mum and left home. I had been seeing this lad for about a month had never done anything and considered myself a virgin. I fell ill and he was complaining saying how he didn't think I’d ever give him a baby. He tried to touch me but I stopped him and I said I’ve just told you I’m not up to it, I’m not well. I rolled over with my back to him and started to fall asleep. He tried again and again and I told him stop or you’re on the couch he huffed and puffed and rolled over this time. I made myself stay awake till I truly thought he had fallen asleep. About 2am I was woken up and couldn't move my arms or legs to roll over, I looked up and he was on top of me raping me. I fell pregnant with my first born son through that rape.

During the first month or two after the rape I continued living in his flat but I would barricade myself in the bedroom by pushing the bed and draws in front of the door. On one occasion I caught him standing on a chair to see through the little window above the door so I got a tin of gloss and glossed the window. When I found out I was pregnant I was sat in the toilet repeatedly saying “oh shit” but he burst through the door, saw the test and was all made up. I pushed him away and I locked myself in the bedroom got ready for work and tried to leave. He grabbed me by the wrist and refused to let me leave alone slamming and locking the door in front of me so I couldn't get out.

I was in college and working and he instantly became paranoid and would routinely sit outside the door to my classroom in college, or in the lobby where I worked behind the till. There was one occasion when I nearly lost my job because I went to go to the toilet and because he couldn't see me he tried entering a staff only area through the hallway area behind the toilets and staff caught him and he said I had said it was ok to follow me down the staff hallway. At this point k was about six weeks pregnant and he was pinning me up against the wall in his flat living room and hitting me. One night he forced me to tell my mum, so I text her and she flipped we didn't speak for three days after that. I told my dad and he put the phone down on me. When we finally spoke to my mum, we went to her house for tea and to sort it out. My five year old brother has Asperger’s syndrome and he was showing off to us in the living room so I went to speak to my mum briefly and come back into her living room to see him stood there with his fist raised at my brother. The man was twenty four years old, my brother was 5. I instantly pushed him and said to him what the hell do you think you are doing that's my brother. You've got two choices either get the hell out of this house and that's us over and don't ever bother contacting me or you sit down and stay away from that child. Next time I see you raise your finger to him again I swear to god ill rip your head off and shit down your neck. He gave me a look and I knew I was getting it when we left my mums and then sat down. I sat down next to him as my mum was coming in the room and she had no idea what had happened and he turned around and punched me in the right side of my stomach hard. My brother witnessed this and straight away turned around and squared up to him, punched him and broke his nose. I am gutted my baby brother has to see all this but part of me is buzzing to this day at the fact that a five year old broke a twenty four year  old full grown man’s nose in one punch. To this day my brother is wary of any man he sees me talk to whether it’s a good friend or a boyfriend. In fact I've only had one or two boyfriends since those days and it has been 6 years. The only one my brother has ever actually given a chance to, is my current partner.  We have been together 4 years and he has been there for me through most of the shit and we plan to get married soon.

As for my children, I battled for 6 years and continue to battle to this very day for my sons to be returned to my care. After the psychologists report, social services had their own leverage to eventually find a way to take them from me because of all that I had been through and the way my son had been conceived.  He is now six and his brother is five. Throughout my pregnancy everyone around me criticised me for not terminating the pregnancy; my mum, social workers (who got involved before I had even given birth to my first child) my boss and my nan. The midwives at hospital at 16 weeks told me they would get social services involved if I didn't terminate my pregnancy. I didn't terminate because the way I saw it, I had a mental block.

I went to the police who didn't even arrest the man they posted a note through his door asking him to attend the police station. I fought for two years to keep my boys but social services finally managed to find a way to take my boys from me. They made me see a psychologist who made me tell her my life events in great detail, including all of what I have written here today as a survivor. That psychologist stated in her report that I was completely unaware of the impact that my life events had had on me as a person and the potential effects it could have on my parenting skills. I do not know exactly what they meant by that, but I can assure you all that I am more qualified than most people to recognise when a child is possibly being abused and I am more equipped to help that child work through the aftermath of the ordeal than a counsellor. They may have all the qualifications in the world but they haven’t experienced the ordeal.

I believe the only way that this would have impacted on my parenting would be to make me 1000 times more vigilant to the signs of possible child abuse. My partner read the report and he said to me I think they were trying to say you posed a threat because your life events have warped your thought processes. I find this highly disgusting as I have never ever had a thought like that once about anyone. I am a survivor who learnt to live with these ghastly events in silence. I have never received counselling for the sexual abuse I went through as a child. I have been through about six blocks of one on one counselling sessions and seventeen weeks of cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) for the rape and domestic violence I endured with my little boy’s father. I am a very proud mum to my two boys and only hope they never have to endure anything like this or even read this. As for young children who had the courage to stand up and speak out, you really are brave people. You've done the right thing and not everyone is the same. As for the victims, who like I did for so long continue to suffer in silence, don't be scared to speak up. This doesn't have to continue and you are certainly not going to get in trouble, so tell someone you know very well and trust and they will help you; it’s not your fault.

This is my story that not many people know and though my abuser is dead there's many more at large. I share my story in the hope that it will make people realise exactly what some people endure but there are many more who have suffered worse. It’s disgusting but I hope my story inspires some of you to come forward and share your own story. Make your story known and put these abusers and predators to shame. As a result of my abuse and demons I now suffer with numerous mental health issues including PTSD, agoraphobia, anxiety, depression, adjustment disorder and am waiting to be referred back to the psychiatrist. I'm now 23 years of age and have already been told one more stress could kill me. I just wish I had spoken out sooner. Thanks for reading.

Written by Jade
Edited and Posted by Team Inspire with permission via email contact
04.12.14

@MandateNow Petition to Introduce Law to Report Suspected or Known Abuse on change.org

The Mandate Now campaign is now live and waiting for your signatures and support. The Survivors Trust, NAPAC, Survivors UK, Respond and Innocence in Danger are petitioning the Secretary of State for Education Nicky Morgan to introduce law requiring schools, faith groups, sports bodies, NHS and early years settings to inform the Local Authority Designated Officer of all allegations and incidents of suspected and known abuse. Presently no such legal obligation exists, and there is no sanction on any Regulated Activity (as these institutions are termed) for failing to inform the LADO.

URL for @MandateNow petition hosted on Change: http://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/educationbovnk-introduce-law-requiring-adults-working-with-children-to-report-alleged-abuse-mandatenow

 

Posted by Team Inspire on behalf of @MandateNow

04.12.14

NOTICE OF NATIONAL MEETING – SURVIVORS’ ALLIANCE – 18TH DECEMBER 2014

The Survivors Trust are organizing a meeting for groups and individuals wishing to join the Survivors’ Alliance on 18^th December 2014 in London 16.30 to 19.30.  

 

The venue has a maximum capacity for 50 delegates so please contact The Survivors Trust as soon as you can if you would like to attend so they can manage numbers. They also have Skype capacity for up to 40 candidates, for those who are unable to travel to the venue, or if the meeting is oversubscribed.

 

Unfortunately, they can’t offer anything towards expenses at this stage but hope to be able to do so in future.    

 

Please contact Naomi Lines on naomi.lines@thesurvivorstrust.org for more information or to sign up to attend or for a Skype booking.

 

They also wish to encourage support from individuals who are working with survivors and individual survivors themselves, so please forward this blog post to any contacts you feel would like to be involved.

 

www.thesurvivorstrust.org

 

Posted by Team Inspire on behalf of The Survivors Trust

04.12.14

Clarity from the Home Office - Meeting re: Chair Person

For clarity, the Home Office’s Safeguarding Director, John O’Brien, is holding a meeting at the Home Office on the 8^th December from 1.30 – 2.30pm. The primary purpose of this meeting is an opportunity for John to hear the views of survivors about what would give them confidence in a new Chairman for the Independent Panel Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse.

 

He will then write a report and pass these views to the Home Secretary to inform her decision about who she appoints as Chairman.

 

You will be attending this meeting as an individual survivor of abuse, not an organisation or group.

 

This will not be a place to give evidence.

 

Numbers are limited, so please let the CSA Inquiry Liaison Team know at your earliest convenience if you would like to attend.

 

If oversubscribed, and depending on the need, the CSA Inquiry Liaison Team may look to hold another meeting.

 

Email: CSA.InquiryLiaisonTeam@homeoffice.gsi.gov.uk

 

This meeting is completely different to the Secretariat meetings to be held on 5th & 8th December 2014 in Bristol & Manchester.

 

The Home Office are holding their own meeting specifically regarding the Chair Person of the Inquiry.

 

Posted by Team Inspire with permission from CSA Inquiry Liaison Team at the Home Office

02.12.14

Meetings Independent Secretariat - 5th & 12th December 2014

This is a message from the Secretariat for the Independent Child Sexual Abuse Inquiry. I would like to invite you to participate in some initial discussions on the work of the Inquiry.

 

The Secretariat and members of the Panel are undertaking a further two meetings with representatives of victims and survivors groups. These are part of a series of regionally based Listening meetings being held across the country with Panel members this month. More will then follow in the New Year.

 

The next two regional listening meetings will be held on:

 

Friday 5^th December 11.00-14.00 in central Bristol

(venue will be confirmed as part of your joining instructions)and

 

Friday 12th December 11.00-14.00 in central Manchester

(again we will confirm the venue with you as part of your joining instructions)

  

The purpose of these meetings is as follows: 

 

·      To provide information on the panel, its members and terms of reference 

·      To canvass views on how attendees, particularly survivors and victims group representatives would like the panel to engage with them and 

·      What you would like the panel to include in their considerations

 

The findings will be collated as part of the Inquiry Panels listening and engagement programme and fed back to the full panel.

 

The Secretariat would really welcome relevant individual / organisations / representative groups input at either of the above two meetings. Please do not worry if you are unable to make either of them, we will be running more and we will ensure your views are fed into.

 

If you wish to be considered for attendance please email:

generalenquiry@childsexualabuseinquiry.gsi.gov.uk 

 

You can also give your views via the website – we would welcome your input at any time  https://childsexualabuseinquiry.independent.gov.uk/

 

If there any other groups and/or individuals that should be contacted for an invitation, to either these or future meetings, please email the Secretariat on the above email address.

 

By attending one of the above meetings you will be giving advice to the Secretariat and CSAinquiry regarding suggestions for how the inquiry should proceed and operate both now and in the future.

 

These meeting will not be for evidence giving.

 

Posted by Team Inspire with permission from the CSAinquiry Secretariat and verified by them.

02.12.14